Hello darkness my old friend

I had a visitor on Friday night. I haven’t seen this toxic, obsessed monster for a few years now and thought it was possible we had lost contact, but no…….. No, oh no.

Uninvited, unwelcomed and unapologetically smashing my down the door to take my breath away, strangle me, stand on my chest, paralyze me and stop any real brain function for over an hour-Anxiety- Such a small simple word for such an indescribably insidious beast that instantaneously infiltrates every part of your being the moment you meet a trigger.

While there is no logic in a moment where you are frantically trying to stay alive but simultaneously wanting to die, I knew how to ride the poison flushing throughout my body, my mind, my soul in that text-book fight or flight moment. It was when I reached the other-side of this tiddle wave that the real surprise hit me.

In the past, I’ve been left lifeless, exhausted, bruised and dysfunctional. Not this time. I smiled as I caught my breath and when into a deep state of clarity and gratitude.

This is for you old mate….

You didn’t win then, and you didn’t win today. You only reminded me of my strength driven by an unstoppable purpose in life. You shook me to remind me what a warrior I was to fight you off hundreds of times a day for 8 years. To make me realise beating you in all your power means you are in fact- POWERLESS. I got over you and if we have to meet from time to time, then know you come off second best. Sadly, you created this strength by trying to make me weak. You taught me just how strong I am, how hard I can fight.

We are taught to fear the things that scare us, but we are never given more than we can handle. You hold you power. You ALWAYS hold the power! Perhaps we are given this reminder when we need it most, whether it be to make you relaise you need to rest, recharge or just to know you are awesome, unstoppable and epic in every way!

There are always two ways to look at everything. If you are struggling with your mental health then know this from a veteran at the game-

You are not alone (see below resources)

There is ZERO shame in reaching out, medication and owning it

You are stronger than this force you are fighting, so keep fighting. The world needs you, you need you!

Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636

Lifeline: 13 11 14



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